Ray McFarland has always had self-esteem problems. He was a fourth-stringer on the high school baseball team, cut from the junior varsity bowling team, rejected from the school newspaper and couldn’t get a date to the senior prom. Determined to reinvent himself, Ray spent the summer between high school and college delving into pop culture, immersing himself in whatever was important to people, trying to become more viable in a college conversation. Leaving home in South Carolina for the distant Freese College, with no familiar faces to betray his life as an outcast, Ray was sure this was his big chance to change his life.

Ray already knew which fraternity he’d pledge at Freese: Alpha Chi Rho. It’s where he wanted to be, with the cool kids. When he was invited to a party at their house, he jumped at the opportunity to meet some of the brothers, so they’d remember him next semester when he could pledge. He thought he was doing well, chatting up a couple of the guys, when someone suddenly grabbed and gagged him, then ripped down his pants and slung him over the balcony.
Ending his dreams of being one of the cool kids. Again.

Ray was humiliated even further when some of the laughing partygoers pointed out his humble private part. Trying to figure out where he stood if five inches was indeed average, Ray was measuring himself when the Ax-Cell-Erator exploded.

Now it’s fifteen feet long. And, as Ray is soon to find out, indestructible.

Watch out, world. Be on guard, ladies. Long Dong is here.

<-Back